I wondered from the moment my son was born SGA (small for gestational age) if there would be life long effects. Intuitively I knew there would be even when doctors repeatedly told me no. I think about things very logically, and when you're told that there was a lack of oxygen to the brain during fetal development; how will that not affect the way his brain operates?
For me, his difficulties were obvious by the age of 3. However, looking back knowing what I know now there were many other signs when he was a toddler.
I was never shy or quiet about looking for answers from doctors, and teachers. Even in Mommy and Me classes, while other kids were exploring their new world and each other. Mine was not, he would go off and explore the class environment but would only share with me and other adults. He had no interest in other children his age. Doctors and teachers put this off on him being shy. Why? He made eye contact, and he spoke to everyone but other children. What these doctors and teachers weren't hearing though was that he was parroting the things he heard at home and simply giving a run down of his life. Literally a play by play of what he did from the moment he woke up. Then when he was done telling you his story, he would run off. The response from teachers? "Oh, how cute, he's adorable" What they weren't seeing was his "silent struggle" which would continue on until he was 14 years old, which is when I met a woman online that would change our lives!
As my son got older, and I was homeschooling him he needed more and more from me, school work was getting more demanding and his difficulties were becoming increasingly harder for him to deal with. I was working for an online fitness community when this bright light as I call her came in like a flash of lightning! She had a big personality, and we were drawn to one another like a moth to a flame. We began texting every day, talking about random life things getting to know one another. In our conversations she would say Hmmmm a lot, now I know why.
One day she asked me has anyone ever mentioned Autism for your son? I told her, I had suspected it for years, and he had many Autistic friends. In fact, aside from his best friend his autistic friends were the only ones he ever really connected with. I began to delve further with this woman Llee telling her all of the quirks my son had that nobody could ever explain. His aversions around food, his communication style, the way he watched closed captions on TV, his learning difficulties, things that teachers could never explain or help with. As she sat and explained in depth where his struggles came from and why he did the things he did I sat and cried.
It took 14 years of our silent struggle, of me feeling alone in the world, trying to figure it all out on my own, nobody to talk to about it, dismissed in the way I felt, and what I thought. I cried so much in those beginning days with Llee, not only did she understand she had the answers! Those answers I had been desperately seeking for 14 years, she became my sounding board and my best friend.
She offered to work with him once a week to help him navigate the difficulties related to life that I was explaining to her in our conversations. She began with saying she was going to have a virtual meet with him where he was going to get to do ALL the talking, she wanted to know everything about him! This is her way of getting to the root, by simply observing. He was so happy when he heard this! His response? "You mean, it gets to be all about me, someone wants to just hear about me and let me talk"? When they got on, she introduced herself and he proceeded to talk very fast non-stop for 90 minutes! All about gaming, and his computer set up. Nothing else!
The moment they finished, she starting messaging me completely and utterly shocked that nobody had ever noticed his Autism! We started going even more in depth in his history than we had before, down to my pregnancy which was filled with more dismissal from doctors on me being a first time Mom. You see, even in pregnancy I knew something was amiss. You know that butterfly sensation you get in early pregnancy? I never felt anything more than that in 9 months, which was explained as "some women just don't feel their babies".
Llee began working with my son every weekend, they would meet for 30 minutes mainly focusing on life stuff from our conversations. I began to see a big improvement in him and the way he was communicating with me and his awareness, her magic was working in only 30 minutes a week! We decided that she would come stay with us for a month in the Summer of 2021. I wanted Llee to see him in his element and begin to break him out of certain comfort zones. Little did we know how much information she would gather, and how much help she would be over the course of that month!
We went over his previous assessment from when he was 3 years old, and Llee was furious. He was on the cusp for scores in relation to Autism in several categories, all of which are things he still struggles with as a teenager. Everything was put off on his difficulty sleeping, so much had been overlooked. There was one night in particular that it all hit Llee at once, she sat and cried the same way I had at the realization of all the help he had missed out on and how that may negatively affect his future. That night she made the promise to herself and to me that she would do everything in her power to help me get his diagnosis and advocate for all the support necessary to try and turn things around!
Since then, Llee has helped me get a school diagnosis which in turn gave him OT, Speech, and Psychology appointments weekly. I found Ascent Autism that I blogged about recently in my blog Ascending through Ascent. I also found an amazing tutoring company that utilizes special education teachers that I'll be blogging about very soon. We are also in the middle of getting his medical diagnosis. Llee has been integral for me in this process she is right there along side me, telling me what to say, and how to say it. Which we all know is extremely important in advocating for our kids! Even when an issue comes up with his school, I'll message her with what happened and she will explain to me exactly what to do and what to say to get things done. I can't tell you the weight this has removed from my shoulders, and how it's helped the feeling of isolation drift away.
When I began my own health journey, I found out that I have a natural talent for helping others, but I struggled with the illusions that came along with the fitness industry. I was always known as the coach that was "more than fitness". As I have gone through this process with Llee over the last year it has become clear to me that I have a lot to offer in terms of helping other mothers with children on the Spectrum. Much like my fitness journey, there were no resources for me as I went through the process having to figure out so much on my own gave me a unique perspective because I had to really deeply connect with my son in order to figure it out. Llee tells me all the time that my son is as far as he is because of me and my abilities. I hear it from his other therapists and special ed department as well.
Llee works in a school as a Speech and Language Pathologist but she also has her own private practice online with a desire to build a platform to help close the gaps that mothers' like me face every single day. As she does what she does in the background, building the different programs I am reaching out to mothers' to build the community where you can go to finally get all your questions answered. It's something I wish I had over the last 14 years.
If you would like to work with Llee personally, you can contact her here.
As I was more than fitness, Llee is more than an SLP. The way she is with me is the way she is with everyone, which makes her so unique and rare in this world. Having someone who truly cares with every fiber of their being. Someone who feels strongly about parent education, because let's face it we are with our kids the majority of the time. If there is no integration there can be no growth.
If you would like to chat with me, I've created a Telegram channel where the focus has been food because that seems to be the #1 question people ask me. However, there is no topic off limits, and anything I don't know Llee will know. Building a community where we can join together with other like minded parents ❤️ You can join the Telegram channel/chat here.
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